A Statement of Relationship
Where the first of our three statements dealt with our identity as being in God’s image and the second statement had to do with God’s observation concerning man’s need and His design for fulfilling that need; the third statement by God has to do with how this couple should relate to each other. Ask yourself this question: how do you relate to your spouse? Are they your best friend? Perhaps they are your lover and not much else. Maybe your marriage is one of convenience or forced need. When you married your spouse were you looking for someone just like your mom and dad? Or, for that matter, maybe you wanted someone nothing like your parents. How we perceive the relationship we should have with our spouse is inevitably going to either enhance or deteriorate our ability to find a marriage that is holy before God.
In this passage we see God making a three point statement. I would point out to you that these three statements are much like a cake. When I was in college I decided to bake a cake one day. The thing about me is that I really do not like butter, so I left that ingredient out. I did not know about alternatives, I just simply left out the ingredients I did not like. Needless to say the cake was very dry. I discovered that the ingredients are there for a reason, and even though we may not always like the elements on their own, what they form is another matter altogether. You see, I have eaten cakes that other people have made. They used butter, yet I never even noticed the ingredient because of how it fit into the whole. The three elements of this statement of relationship are all necessary if we are going to have the unified relationship that is Holy Matrimony. So let’s look at these three elements.
Leave Father And Mother – Have you ever known a couple who seemed to have in-law issues? Perhaps I should rephrase that question to ask if you know anyone who has not had in-law issues. From Fathers that seem to make it their goal to protect their little princess to Mothers who do not believe that anyone is good enough for their son, in-law troubles have plagued marriages for millennia. I mean, we can’t help it if we are close to our parents. So, where do we draw the line?
In this passage the word for “leave” carries with it the concept of a loosening or even relinquishing of the relationship with our parents. When you choose to give yourself in marriage God’s expectation of you is that your spouse will become the central person in your life. They become your “next of kin,” and your parents cease to be in that role. Marriage is hard enough without your parents trying to tell you how to do it. Remember that when they came together they represented two unique individuals who were trying to fit together. Their uniqueness is not yours. What worked for your parents will not necessarily work for you. You are charged to place the relationship with your parents on a back burner to the one you share with your mate. If we cannot leave father and mother behind then we will never be able to truly join with our spouse. This brings us to our next point.
Joined To Spouse – What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “to be joined” with someone? For me the imagery is anywhere from choosing to “join” a team to gluing something together with a solid mixture of epoxy. Both of these pictures are accurate ways to describe this phrase. We will speak further about this in a future post, but let me introduce you to the idea of joining your spouse. The phrase “to join” can also be interpreted as being “to cleave.” The Hebrew word used here literally means to cling to, or to adhere to, your spouse. And you will never be able to cling to them if you do not make the choice to move towards that relationship. When I join a team I make a commitment to do my part. When I adhered myself to my wife I made the choice and commitment to be a part of her. By letting go of the other relationships that can hinder marital unity, and then by choosing to be joined to my spouse I made it possible for us to become one. This brings us to our next concept, and perhaps the most challenging of all.
Two Become One Flesh – Now here is both an easy thing to do, and at the same time a difficult challenge. In Scripture the concept of “one flesh” is used to describe the act of sexual intercourse. Jesus even said that when two people have sexual relations they become one flesh. From that point of view it is easy to become one flesh with our spouse, or anyone else for that matter. So, if that were all that “one flesh” meant, then why is such a big deal made about it in all those counseling books and sermons? That brings us to this challenge: as husband and wife we are two complementary beings brought together to meet the need for companionship and who share a call to become one unified being called “marriage.” Marriage is a living breathing thing that needs to be fed and nurtured to survive, and can bring with it great joy and fulfillment.
"Don’t marry someone you can live with.
Marry someone you cannot live without." – Josh McDowell
The word used in this text for “becoming one” can carry with it some very telling meanings. One of these meanings is to be united. To be united is not only to be combined into one, but it also means to be in agreement and harmony. Now think about that for a moment, a couple actually being in harmony? Wow! And yet, there it is, God telling us to be in harmony with one another. It kind of goes against all those awesome fights and arguments we have so long enjoyed. But yet, we are called on to be one, united with our spouse.A second meaning for the word used for one could also be that they are “altogether,” which is another interesting word. The word can be defined as being entirely or utterly together. Too many homes find the spouses living separate lives (we will get to that later in our journey together) and not really having a shared identity. The couple that is altogether in their unity, or oneness, will be considered as a whole when their lives are viewed. As my wife and I grow in our relationship I find myself wanting to be with her; I want to let others know she is my wife; and I also want to share all I have with her. I find myself wanting to be altogether her husband. It is not easy and it takes work, but it is also possible; for if it were not possible then God would be asking the impossible, and with God nothing is impossible (a sentiment we will re-emphasize over and over again). [Luke 1:37]
As we travel down the road to being a marriage that represents God's design we must never forget these three simple statements from God. Both male and femal were created in God's image, so have value and should treated that way. We are created to need relationships, with the greatest and first of those horizontal relationships created by God being the one with your spouse. And thirdly, to fulfill that relationship that God has created you for you must become joined to your spouse, one flesh, heart and spirit. It is only together that you will truly see the wonder of God's blessings on your marriage.
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